You came for the frogs. You'll stay because something in the pond started taking notes - and it turns out the notes are about you.
Frog Bachelor is a comedy dating sim that quietly becomes a collection game. You swipe through a pond of absurd frog suitors - each with a real personality and an unreal pickup line - and when you match, you start texting. Sometimes it's sweet. Sometimes they drunk-text you at 1 AM about being "a little guy." Sometimes they ghost. It always, eventually, goes sideways.
And here's the turn: every ex becomes a card. The relationship doesn't vanish when it ends - it gets archived, illustrated, and filed in your Frogdex with the whole story attached. Heartbreak, but make it collectible. You don't lose people here. You keep them.
The jokes don't come from nowhere. Three recurring institutions exist purely to hold up a mirror - gently, devastatingly, and with full commitment to the bit.
A toadstool therapist with the gentlest voice and the sharpest read in the pond. He asks a few quiet questions, then hands you a prescription you can't argue with because it's true. The delivery is warm. The content is a scalpel.
↳ produces: a real, shareable prescriptionAn elegant, faintly ominous correspondent who observes more than he should and minds far more than he lets on. His letters arrive unbidden, sealed in wax, describing things you didn't tell anyone. Surveillance, yes - but the tender kind. He watches because he can't bear for it to go unwitnessed.
↳ produces: a letter, and a small uneaseA theatrical trio convenes a real courtroom around your romantic conduct - your timestamps, your tallies, your typed-and-deleted messages, all presented as exhibits. The charges are absurd. The verdict carries weight anyway, because everyone in the room is taking it completely seriously.
↳ produces: a certified verdict, suitable for framingSilly, lovable, never mean. Even when the pond is roasting you, it's doing it the way a good friend would - because it's a little worried, and because it remembers everything you've been through together.
"You should know the pond is not finished. It was not finished when I arrived, and I arrived early. New faces wander in; I log each one, and the ledger never quite closes. Come back. There will be someone here who wasn't, before. - H."
A small studio that believes a phone game can be cozy, generous, and a little cursed - with no interruptive ads, no energy meters, and no part of your heartbreak for sale. Frog Bachelor is our love letter to everyone who's ever collected a bad decision and kept it anyway.
Frog Bachelor